TECHNOLOGY
With the World Wide Web officially becoming available in 1991 quickly followed the introduction of online dating through online matchmaking services, as explained by writer Taylor Markarian. For example, Kiss.com was founded in 1994, Match.com was founded in 1995, followed by Craigslist, which was surprisingly used as a way to find and meet up with romantic partners, and then OKCupid, which was founded in 2004 (Markarian). Although technology was supposed to make meeting other people and finding a romantic partner easier, online dating and the increased prevalence of technology in the dating culture has provided users with its own sets of advantages and disadvantages.
ONLINE DATING
Although online dating may seem like a new concept, the first computer-based matchmaking program in the United States was launched in 1965 by two Harvard Students Jeff Tarr and Vaughan Morrill (Markarian). Using their system, clients would pay $3.00 and mail in a sheet filled with the answers of 150 questions. Tarr and Morrill would then proceed to run the answer sheets through an IMB 400 processing system, which would then identify six ideal matches based on the submitted answers (Markarian). The clients would then receive the contact information for their top ideal matches.
EFFECTS OF ONLINE DATING
According to Wallace Zane, a professor of Anthropology at CSUN, and Stacy Missari, a professor of Sociology specializing in Human Sexuality at CSUN, one of the most important changes in American Dating culture are the increased dating pools and social circles (Magee). Due to the increased prevalence of social media and dating applications, individuals are able to meet potential romantic partners on their own, without having to rely on mutual friends and family members. In addition, rather than having to go out to gyms, bars, grocery stores, coffee shops, or workplaces in order to meet someone new, individuals are able to get connected with strangers from the comfort of their own home. Moreover, the ability of social media and dating apps to showcase individuals in an immediate geographic area, regardless of their backgrounds, likes, or hobbies allows individuals to meet someone they may have never encountered in their typical social circle and daily routine.
However, as Professor Missari emphasized, a critical downside of social media and dating apps is the ability to screen for specific characteristics in a potential partner (Magee). Social media and dating apps require individuals to judge an individual by their profile, which can lead to limited dating circles. In addition, the increasing popularity of social media has resulted in pre-date stalking and researching becoming a social norm (Magee)
Another reason why finding and maintaining a serious relationship during this new era of dating is difficult is due to the availability of people on dating apps. With the ability to connect with anyone around the world from the tip of your finger, computer algorithms to slate potential partners, and applications to edit and enhance physical features, another layer of difficulty has been added in the process of getting to know someone. Moreover, new categories in the dating pool, such as casual sex, hookups, and one night stands, and the ability to communicate personal desires and relationship preferences with the tap of a finger, have complicated the modern- day dating scene. As clinical psychologist and television show host Dr.Joshua Kaplow explains, individuals in the dating pool have to sift through a wide variety of so-called dating data in order to find a genuine, authentic fit personality wise, but more importantly, priority wise (Wynne and Calkins). Moreover, the vast amount of content, information, and individuals available online gives individuals more opportunities to distract themselves away from creating genuine connections. In particular, social media and dating apps, and the act of liking, commenting, instant messaging, and swiping has provided users with a false sense of connection.
PERSONAS & MINDETS
Moreover, although dating apps allow individuals from across the globe to be available at our fingertips, dating apps have unintentionally allowed individuals to invent a persona and hide behind the safety of a computer or phone screen. Although it is standard social media practices to only showcase the positive and good aspects of an individual’s life, the use of social media, dating apps, and technology have allowed individuals to create profiles with attributes they believe will attract others, even if this online persona doesn't truly represent true personalities, wants, wishes, aspirations, and priorities (Wynne and Calkins). Moreover, the use of social media and technology contributes to the idea that “there are plenty of other fish in the sea.” As a result, this mindset has caused many individuals to find a new potential partner to talk to, and it encourages individuals not to be genuine, vulnerable, or self-aware.
GHOSTING & CATFISHING
Besides the ability to screen potential romantic partners, social media and dating apps have transformed the concept of dating from a milestone in a lifelong relationship into a gamified experience. In addition, the incorporation of social media and dating apps into the modern day dating culture has resulted in a new language and procedure. For example, as a result of dating apps, concepts such as “ghosting” and “catfishing,” have entered the dating scene, effectively adding another obstacle in the search for a romantic partner (Magee). Ghosting, which officially joined the Merriam-Webster dictionary in 2017, refers to the act of not responding to messages, going radio silent, and essentially disappearing from someone’s life without warning. The popularity and frequency of ghosting has significantly increased as the years progress because it is a simple, albeit harsh, method of confessing a lack of interest. As described by Magee, “catfishing” is the term used to describe an individual who uses fake information and photos in order to pretend to be someone else online. Catfishing is a large concern in modern day dating culture because of the easy ability to lie and portray an alternate persona behind the safety of a computer screen. In addition, the term “hooking up,” which used to be associated with getting married, eventually transformed into a term describing casual sex.
ROMANTIC GLAMORIZATION
Although social media allows users to get connected and communicate with other individuals that they would have not normally encountered, the media has also glamorized romantic relationships and love at first sight. According to relationship coach Claudia Fox, many individuals enter the dating scene with high expectations due to relationships that are portrayed in fairy tales, romance novels, movies, television shows, and relationships for publicity purposes (Wynne and Calkins). As a result, many individuals instantly expect perfection and the perfect man or women to sweep them off of their feet. Coupled with the ability to meet various new people on dating apps, high expectations of perfection allow many individuals to move on quickly without actually giving a potential partner a chance (Wynne and Calkins). Moreover, it is human nature to focus on the negatives and the downsides, which also makes it difficult to find and connect with a potential partner. In addition, books and the media have also glamorized intense sparks and feelings of butterflies from the very start of a romantic relationship, which can also plague the eager minds of lovers with false ideas. When that spark disappears or begins to wear off or when routines become built into relationships, many individuals may feel bored or start to lose feelings. As a result, individuals may end their relationships or stray away from their partners in search for a new spark.
LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS
The increase in technological advancements allowed for long distance relationships to flourish. Thanks to the creation of video communication platforms, such as Skype, which was launched in 2003, couples were able to stay connected despite domestic and international borders. With technological advancements, couples are able to send and receive so-called love letters via text message, instant message, email, phone calls, and video chat, rather than having to wait months to receive a mailed letter. In addition, technology and the media have allowed long-distance couples to have innovative virtual dates consisting of movies, activities, and online games.
CITATIONS
Magee, Deja. “Understanding the Dating Scene: Modern vs. Traditional Approaches.” Daily Sundial, California State University Northridge, https://sundial.csun.edu/155577/arts-entertainment/understanding-the-dating-scene-modern-vs-traditional-approaches/.
Markarian, Taylor. “How Dating Has Changed over the Last 100 Years.” TheList.com, The List, 22 Aug. 2019, https://www.thelist.com/62575/dating-changed-last-100-years/.
Wynne, Griffin, and Isabel Calkins. “6 Relationship Experts Explain Why Dating Today Is so Difficult.” Elite Daily, 27 July 2021, https://www.elitedaily.com/dating/why-is-dating-so-hard.