INFIDELITY & AFFAIRS
Just like the meaning of marriage changes throughout the years, so has the meaning of infidelity. Statistics show that 40-60 percent of adults in committed relationships have committed acts of infidelity. These percentages are actually balanced among men and women. Due to the emergence of the internet and social media, infidelity has only become more easy and common. There’s a website called AshleyMadison.com and it’s a site for married couples to connect with other married couples and have an affair. Their slogan is, “Life is short. Have an affair.” Apparently, this website is supposed to be an outlet to end the internal frustration some couples may have in their own marriage rather than getting a divorce. However, this new acceptable form of infidelity is de-emphasizing the consequences that come from cheating.
EMOTIONAL AFFAIRS
The new surge of social media in the 21st century has only made it easier to reconnect with people from the past or create new connections with strangers. Many people find it easy to search for their “lost love” or old flames they used to have in the past for the purpose of reconnecting with each other and maybe expecting something more. These reconnections can evolve into something called emotional infidelity. This is when there’s emotional intimacy with another person with the exception of physical intimacy. With text messaging, social media, and dating apps it’s extremely easy to participate in emotional cheating. Although there is no one standing definition of infidelity, sometimes emotional infidelity can be more destructive than a simple hookup.
An emotional affair may not appear as damaging as a physical affair, but there are many drawbacks that come into the already existing relationship. The benefits the partner is receiving from their affair are only being taken away from their own relationship. There is attention being taken away from the spouse and given to somebody else, leaving the spouse hurt and lost not knowing if they did something wrong to cause the lack of attention. This comes with a loss of self, depression, and anger resulting in the number one cause of divorce.
FALLING OUT OF LOVE
Infidelity doesn’t necessarily mean the end. It doesn’t mean that the love is gone. Many people who do cheat on their significant other are still in love with them. Cheaters are not always bad, they are also human, and everyone makes mistakes. Moreover, affairs don’t always mean the deceiver wants to be in a different relationship, instead they desire for their own relationship to be different. Many of the basic human needs could potentially get forgotten as years go by. Things such as “validation, love, connection, affection, intimacy, and nurturing” (Young). As these necessities aren’t being met, it leads to looking for these needs elsewhere. Of course, it’s not an excuse for an affair, but to understand it’s essential to know why it happened in the first place.
HEALING FROM AN AFFAIR
Just like an affair can end a relationship it can also make an existing relationship even stronger. It’s an opportunity to create a richer bond with a significant other. It has to be considered that to achieve a better relationship after an affair both partners should provide great commitment, time, and honesty. To begin with, an affair happens when a partner’s needs aren’t met. Since they have needs it doesn’t imply that they have low self-esteem, but rather it’s a natural human need. Humans generally crave connections with one another. If the needs aren’t met then the person will have to find them outside their relationship in order to be satisfied. To heal from this wound, a couple needs deep and serious reflection with one another. They need to sort out what went wrong and if it’s worth it to fight for their relationship. This will give the couple the opportunity to grow and flourish within their relationship. It’s vital to discuss with honesty and consideration of oneself and the other person. Do you really want this relationship? Are you still looking for love and commitment or did you outgrow the relationship? Both people need to “acknowledge it and decide openly and with love and strength, whether or not the relationship is worth saving. Nothing is more painful than fighting to hold on to something that isn’t fighting to hold back” (Young). Once everything is established it’s important to know healing will take time. Grieving is normal and necessary after an affair, but it’s important to take in the whole situation and apply it to oneself for the purpose of growth.
CITATIONS
Stafford, Suzanne. “Infidelity in the 21st Century by Suzanne Stafford.” PsychAlive, 4 Nov. 2013, https://www.psychalive.org/infidelity-in-the-21st-century/.
Young, Karen, et al. “After the Affair - How to Forgive, and Heal a Relationship from Infidelity.” Hey Sigmund, 6 Aug. 2020, https://www.heysigmund.com/how-to-forgive-and-heal-from-an-affair/.