THE PANDEMIC
All individuals across the nation have been impacted by the COVID-19 pandemic in one way or another, but the pandemic, and its associated stay-at-home orders and social distancing guidelines, has taken varying tolls on new and pre-existing relationships.
DATING DURING THE PANDEMIC
With the COVID-19 Pandemic enforcing strict lockdowns and social distancing measures, many young adults have turned to mobile dating apps as a way to curb their loneliness. According to Leila Roker of the TODAY Show, “Apps like Bumble and Tinder have seen conversations on the apps surge 19-26% since the start of pandemic lockdowns in mid-March 2020.” Although there has been an increase in the use of dating apps in the past several years, Dr.Jennifer Mieres, a New York City cardiologist and author, attributes the increase in dating app usage during the pandemic to loneliness. Social distancing measures, lockdowns, and quarantines have naturally caused loneliness, and loneliness has caused fearfulness. “Many young adults are thinking about their mortality, which makes us crave human connection,” as explained by Dr.Mieres (Roker). Not being able to socialize with friends, family members, coworkers, neighbors, and strangers, while also being surrounded and reminded of disease and death causes individuals to crave the comfort that can only be delivered by natural human contact and connection. Moreover, although many young adults were forced to quarantine and social distance with their family members, feelings of loneliness and isolation still arose due to a longing for a romantic partner to spend all of the extra free time with. Thus, many individuals sought out romantic partners in the only available method at the time: dating apps.
A NEW STYLE OF DATING
In fact, Micheal J. Rosenfield, a sociology professor at Stanford University, who studies online dating, explains how many popular online dating apps, such as Hinge, Tinder, and OKCupid, have adapted as a result of the pandemic by adding vaccination statuses, in order to encourage vaccinations (Lang). For example, on Tinder, a bright “I’m vaccinated badge” appears on a user’s photo, and on Hinge, vaccination status is listed alongside general personal information. Although this effort to promote vaccinations is simply part of society’s new normal, OKCupid reports that users who were vaccinated or planning to be vaccinated received 15% more likes and 14% more matches (Lang). In addition, with the help of online dating, many single individuals chose to pursue relationships and fast-track budding romances ahead of and during the lockdown in order to minimize exposure to multiple partners and have a so-called “lockdown buddy.”
The individuals who were able to find a potential match despite the restrictions and limitations of the pandemic had to embody a modified method of dating in order to stay safe and abide by local pandemic measures. For example, many couples had virtual dates via Facetime, Zoom, and Skype from the safety and comfort of their own homes. Other couples, depending on their local guidelines and personal comfort levels, resorted to take-out meals or outdoor activities for their first dates. However, in order to maintain safety protocols, many individuals were forced to ask personal health related questions early on in the relationship, such as vaccination status, recent exposures, mask-wearing habits, and COVID-19 exposure statuses (Roker).
INTIMACY & CONNECTION
Intimacy and genuine connections already presented as unique challenges in the dating scene as a result of the rise of social media and dating apps, but the health and safety guidelines of the COVID-19 pandemic truly put the search for intimacy to the test. Casual hookups and multiple sexual partners had to be reconsidered for safety purposes, and many first dates occurred through virtual platforms. However, according to Match’s 2021 Singles in America study, which surveyed 5,000 single individuals in the United States, 53% of dating app users are now “prioritizing their search for a relationship more than before the pandemic” (Lang). In addition, after over a year and a half surrounded by fear and uncertainty, many individuals are searching for more stable relationships. In fact, the same Match study found that 69% of dating app users are being more honest with their potential partners about their search for a serious, committed relationship (Lang).
EXISTING RELATIONSHIPS
For Better
According to a research study performed by University of Massachusetts Amherst, the way in which COVID-19 pandemic has affected couple’s relationships depends on the the foundation and structure of the relationship prior to the start of the pandemic, as well as the internal and external stressors that occurred at the height of the pandemic and individual vulnerabilities. Besides separating individuals from friends, family, and coworkers, the COVID-19 pandemic has also benefited and harmed pre-existing relationships. Being forced to stay at home and spend each and every day with a partner has the capacity to make couples closer or drive them apart, both which have been seen during the course of the COVID-19 pandemic. Crisis and trauma, such as the COVID-19 pandemic, has the capacity to save and destroy relationships, but the most common impact of the COVID-19 pandemic on relationships is still unclear. When the pandemic hit, stay-at-home orders were enforced, jobs were moved to remote settings, and couples had to deal with added stressors of childcare, finances, food, resources, and disease prevention while trying to keep their relationships alive and well. According to a research study in Spain led by Cristina Günther-Bel, “62% of participants identified some kind of improvement in their relationship since lockdown” (Newman). For many couples surveyed, the pandemic provided an opportunity for couples to reconnect with their partners, spend more time together, slow down, appreciate each other, communicate more, express their needs and feelings, and work through previously ignored conflits (Newman). In addition, for financially stable partners and empty nesters, the pandemic provided an opportunity and an environment for couples to spend more time with each other, communicate more, and fall in love all over again. As Petromonaco explained, the freedom provided by the pandemic allowed more couples to spend much needed quality time together, “If they’re not worried about paying the rent and buying food, they may actually enjoy themselves and see their relationship grow. They may be resilient and flourish” (Shillington). Moreover, with a national attitude of resilience, common struggles, and solitude, the COVID-19 pandemic also created a spirit of teamwork, balance, and support.
EXISTING RELATIONSHIPS
For Worse
As explained by Professor Paula Pietromanaco, a professor of psychological and brain sciences, “There’s huge variability in couple’s experiences,” but “People already struggling before the pandemic are going to be hit harder” (Shillington). Coupled with forced lockdowns and quarantine measures, the internal and external stressors caused by the pandemic resulted in harmful processes such as hostility and withdrawal. For example, couples and families that were hit by financial hardships, such as a loss of a job, an inability to pay rent, or concerns regarding putting food on the table, were unable to devote time, energy, and effort towards their relationship and instead treated their partner with stress-induced anger, irritation, and blame.
In addition, despite being forced to stay together, many Spanish couples also reported feelings of loneliness and distance, which led to tense and argumentative communication (Newman). Moreover, the relationships issues many couples faced reflected on the individual personalities and vulnerabilities of the partners involved. For example, people with distant partners felt a lack of support in the relationship, but individuals with clingy and anxious partners felt less support and stress-induced issues. However, ultimately, the pandemic took the worst toll on relationships that were already struggling, especially for relationships that were strained by financial issues. In addition, women, who were hit harder by pandemic unemployment, faced added internal and external stress from increased childcare and housework, which ultimately negatively affected their relationships as well (Newman).
CITATIONS
Newman , Kira. “What Is Helping Couples Get through the Pandemic?” Greater Good, The Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley, 11 Aug. 2021, https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_is_helping_couples_get_through_the_pandemic.
Roker, Leila. “Dating in the Age of Coronavirus: 4 Questions to Ask before Meeting.” TODAY.com, 10 Feb. 2021, https://www.today.com/tmrw/dating-during-coronavirus-how-pandemic-has-affected-dating-t186385.
Shillington, Patty. “Pandemic Stress Has Varying Impacts on Couples' Relationships.” UMass Amherst, 19 Mar. 2021, https://www.umass.edu/news/article/pandemic-stress-has-varying-impacts.
Lang, Cady. “How the Pandemic Has Changed Dating.” Time, 28 Oct. 2021, https://time.com/6106565/pandemic-dating/.